Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Death of Forgiveness



 “Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD: though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool
~Isaiah 1:18 
“Forgiving and being forgiven are two names for the same thing. The important thing is that a discord has been resolved.”  
~ C.S. Lewis

Forgiveness is the final form of love

forgive-bible-quotesForgiveness.  What a strange and intolerable word to the human psyche.  The thought of it has now turned into a grey warmish lump of that one thing we should do as Disciples in this Backward Upside Down Kingdom.

It is not that we don’t recognize its importance.  But the cognitive dissonance it thrusts upon us when we grapple with the concept behind the word…

This is where it loses- where we end up losing because we don’t recognize the impact of an act that is of of utmost importance.  Its paramount nature in this Christian walk, and the crux of the concept is so detrimental to OUR lives (so often), that we pass it up as a simple “I forgive you.”  Words flippantly spoken through clenched jaws, with the air of contempt pouting our lips, or disgust of doing such a thing leaves that muscle above the upper lip in a wrinkle that is nigh impossible to reproduce.  The pupils of our eyes constrict and bore holes just to the left of the “forgiven.” And then the act is done, and I can live my Christian life.  Right?

Or even worse we go against the scripture, and justify the lack of forgiveness when we say something similar to “I’ll be happy to forgive them, if they would just apologize.”

What a hard notion this is, in reality, because of the way we live.  It becomes impossible to Forgive (capital "F," Forgive for the real thing from here on out) when we are living our “Christian Life.”  Let me give you an example. 

A man once got in my face after Sunday morning services in the states.  I was working with youth a lifetime ago. The man thinking I had mistreated, or disrespected a single mother, this lit a fire in him and his own struggles with anger surfaced.  Was I wrong in how I dealt with the woman?  Knowing me back then… probably.  But I certainly felt justified, and even a little malicious as he read me the riot act in front of God and everyone, while I piously held my tongue, of what I wanted to say and instead undermined his every word to his tirade with, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Over and over the same sentence. His anger bubbled up and over, so big, that it finally took his wife to haul him away after bruising my sternum with a two finger jab, and the loud boisterous man became controlled .And in words only I would hear, through a snarl of malice he got in my face and said with seething breath, and threat as an overtone. 

                “You’ve got one thing right.  YOU ARE SORRY.”

Now, I can’t be responsible for his actions, but I know full well that I let him self-destruct in front of me.  I didn’t have to puff-up.  I didn’t have to feign concern.  I didn’t have to feed him words that sounded right to the rest of the people standing around, but I knew were going to make him dig deeper into his hatred.

The following day after having my world “rocked,” he called to see if he could apologize.  Being the incredibly gracious, and humble, and without pretense person I was (Sarcasm folks)  I agreed to receive his apology.

He did so, I said I forgave him. And neither he, nor I at the time, was any the wiser to my own grievances that were heaped upon him not 24 hours previous.  

 What a missed opportunity.
But I didn’t Forgive.  I went the rest of that summer as an intern (did I not mention that part. Me being 19. and finishing 1 year of college, silly me), avoiding him.  Thinking of ways I could pay back that wrong, even though I had no real intent of doing so.   But I’d done my Christian duty right?  I forgave him!  
Where’s the hypocrisy buzzer, right?  You, already see the fallacy in this. And you are right.  Just because I speak the words, doesn’t mean that I’ve done anything to forgive.
And I think that is where we get stuck.  So often we equate a gesture of words and ceremony with what remains is a heart matter.

You see the one thing that flies in the face of forgiveness for me to you and you for me is always the same denominator of a problem.  It is another typically blasé word that has deep function in our Christian lives, and it is always there…

Are you ready for it?

...Pride.

Here’s the bare honest truth:  If we are authentic with ourselves in this, we will find this to be without impugn-ability:

 Forgiveness only ever happens if I lay myself down on an alter, beside the offending person seeking forgiveness, and meet them at their level of dysfunction.  There is no way, to Forgive without a sense of empathy.  To simply look at the other and say, “Debt cancelled, you are forgiven.” Is a Pharisaical act at best. and is directly of satan, at worst.

After all is it in the scope of the Almighty God to simply forgive and remove?  Well the rhetorical answer, without waxing Theolosiphies is, “Yes, God the ALMIGHTY DESIGNER and CREATOR, ALL POWERFUL, could have forgiven us in any way he desired.  Yet he chose death, something that made it real to both God and man.  Then in this cosmic relationship a mutual battlefield of the heart for reconciliation, was developed.

Not to say that God’s pride got in the way, because for Him Pride and Jealousy are his alone to own.

But when it came time for me/for you or me, to say “I’m sorry, God, will you please forgive me.”
His reply, “death first.”

"Not just for you, Christian Hadesh, to know how gravely serious this was, but for me to be incarnate with you and next to you.  I will forgive, but I need to be there by you on your level making my tabernacle among you (Insert the Christ).

"Letting you know that this has been causing me pain to, but for me to take it in…even though, I AM, is perfect, I must be in a place where all sense of pretense is gone.  We need  a place of incarnate love that proclaims:   'I understand in perfect syncretism, and empathize with your need, and as you have laid your forgiveness as a sacrifice to me, bring me a sacrifice not solely for payment to me… It is for you as well…'

"And there.  Where your offering and MY offering meet.  This is where forgiveness will be granted."

Maybe I am way out of bounds and over humanizing the Master of the Universe.  Or maybe the truth is that being made in his image… unless I can sacrifice like he does, did, continues to do- I will never experience the power of this relationship with all mankind, in an upside-down, and backwards kingdom. 

To forgive, to be forgiven, are one in the same, the important thing is, is that discord is resolved when I lose myself in Love for another, and am willing to lay my sacrifice down, as they do the same.

No comments:

Post a Comment