A "NEED" for forbidden fruit, and Wet Dirt-Floors

“Fruit is always the miraculous, the created; it is never the result of willing, but always a growth. The fruit of the Spirit is a gift of God, and only He can produce it. They who bear it know as little about it as the tree knows of its fruit. They know only the power of Him on whom their life depends”
― Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship

I had this grand anticipation of being able to share with you something.  Maybe a behind the scenes look from one missionary's eyes.  Though I'm becoming increasingly convinced that my story is so
far removed from yours it may have little value.

And then there is the exploitation factor.  Even though this is "Confidential." I feel the awkward tug of, "maybe it is all too much."

 Not that you can't handle it. But to hand out information that is sometimes still raw, and "wreaks" of spiritual bile. When it still has the unmistakable acerbic tug of that piece of glass you stepped on in the night, and the instant feeling of "now what?"  You don't know how to remove it- You cannot fathom the damage it may have caused.

Or it is the immediate feeling when you break a bone, or bite into your food only to have your tooth perform a reenactment of Jericho's walls tumbling down, as it crunches into a dozen pieces with-in your mouth.  Our immediate reaction in the mind is: "I know something is not right, but it is too unfamiliar to process completely."

This is where I spend much of my life, these days.

Oh, but please...?! Don't read into the above confusion as negative. And DO keep from thinking the implication of "these days" was written to reference a better time, to which I wish I could go back. Sure, I fantasize at times of being a child again, but those days were filled with pain, and fear, and terror as well, and as a child they hurt as much if not more than the here and now.

No! I don't want to be scared of the dark again. Be frightened of sleep paralysis, be scared of getting punched in the nose, or someone stealing me from the playground.  The faster I learn pain is a part of life, and a valley through which we all must pass fearing that    becomes illogical.

Why?

It  suggests a measure of control which I/we don't posses.  To think I have control in either managing or avoiding said pain...  If it should ever jump on you like a terrible hairy spider.

Okay, Mr. "whoever-you-are," Get to it!

Raw, without much set-up here we go:  The family friends of ours are nationals, in this unnamed non US country.  They called because they were scared not of the dark but of Dad, who was on a particular drug that is readily available here.  The police were not yet there, and I was called as a "stop gap" until they arrived.  The dad calmed down immediately when he saw me. This was not my first encounter with him inebriated in such a fashion.  He knew quite well that in his condition he was all but worthless to anyone who would stand up to him.

I insisted that he lay down in his bed, and you'll have to take my word, I didn't touch him... yet.  After the third order (like telling a five-year-old, to get to bed yet again),  he managed to stumble hard enough to fracture, then splinter a large mirror.

The light in the house was low, but as I almost always do, I had a flashlight, which I immediately popped into my mouth (the third hand for flashlights !), once I saw the damage.  The black dirt of the floor immediately changed colors as the dehydrated thick blood just fell and spread.  Rapidly it turned from hard soil to slippery mud.  The cuts, on the man simply annihilated the palm of his left hand and two of the major blood channels down into the wrist and curving back around to hit 2 more major vessels on the top part of the same hand.

this is why I wear a belt

Fast tourniquets from my belt along with a few ruined shirts kept him from bleeding out. The police arrived, and he still has his hand.  Though I cannot imagine him escaping without major nerve damage. We will see.

This is my day, this was abnormal because of my relationship with the family, but a day in the life of...  To teach the gospel, to protect the innocent, to help when I'm able, and what does this "superhero" job description gig pay?  I could tell you my tax numbers, but more than half of it were receipts for others as we felt the need to give, (just a little more to "this" special thing).   But the reality is I couldn't find the receipt for the casket, or wheel chair parts, or doctors billings etc. So even that number would be off.  All in all we still lived richer than 99% of the people we minister to, and according to the IRS, we're living at the poverty line... 

Why tell you?

Because what good is it if a man gains everything and then looses his soul?  Can you buy something to trade back for that lost soul?

What then, makes it worthwhile?

And again I answer as I have in previous posts: "Welcome to a world where everything, EVERYTHING is upside down."  I am not a medical professional, nor am I a professional off-road 4x4 emergency driver.  I am not a mortician, nor an electrician.  I am not a mechanic, or a linguist-   I am ill-prepared, in all ways, to have my closest friend here, die so rapidly, then my now closest friend (see story above of broken mirror) be loosing his life, and family to his own pains.  Forget about that sliced-up hand of his. Lop that thing off, I want him back!

I'm ill-prepared for the betrayal upon betrayal that is woven into the fabric of this culture.

I am however, prepared for a different line of work. One that puts Dr. in front of my name and sits me behind a desk... at least that's what the culmination of 4 diplomas say.  But welcome to the upside down  world/ a backward kingdom! Where you plan to go one way, "for-life," and then you ask over and over in your daily prayers to be 'more like Jesus.' When God answers that request, sometimes you leave your desk, and soft hands behind for a whole new "on-the-job-training" where diplomas are only handed to the graduate in the form of a spiritual promissory note.  The weird thing, I don't care about an extra "jewel in my crown."  To sit in HIS presence, this, is more than sufficient!

You will go through the fire.  If you haven't already, you will.  If you have, and God intends to keep you  on earth for much longer, you will walk through it again.  If you're a disciple of Jesus' it may likely be a new searing pain you feel every week or so.  These are not the glorious stories of adventure, and conversions, of hundreds or thousands being baptized as they confess and proclaim Jesus that you hear from the pulpit.

This however, IS, "Life to it's fullest!" Those lost souls come with cost.  Even when all is perfect and ordained by God-  If there's doubt, let me refer you to the life of a man named Jesus, and what it cost him.  And then to a book called 'Acts,' and the lives of the Apostles, and then to history. 

But Mr. "no-name-guy."  That doesn't sound very fun, why don't you just go back and earn a 6 figure income, retire with the American Dream under your belt, and smile all the way through? You can still tell them about Jesus.

Why not go back? Why?...

The why is this:  When one realizes he will feel pain. And then comes to terms with the fact that it will come for both the atheist and believer in some way- a real disciple of the Teacher no longer needs to fear the pain.  This particular fear will break a spiritual back, before a load of, or single straw is ever even placed.  Fearing pain, worsens the experience when it comes. 

Dear friend, I love you, but it always comes. This is the price of being born into a broken world.  This is why creation is groaning.  It is not a groan of fear and the unquenchable pain, but of anticipation of what is to be born through it all.  This is unmistakably an expression of peaceful, patient, long-suffering, faithful JOY!

And no, I can't go back, I've already started plowing.  I'm on a wall, and cannot come down.  The joy is in the journey of pursuing deep relationship with God.  If you want to call this "unfortunate" or say, "This poor believer doesn't get it God wants your best life now, with all health, and wealth.  He just doesn't want your focus to be on this." This prerogative is for you alone to cuddle up with. But those thoughts lead down a wide path where many are walking... and snakes are, NOT cuddly prerogatives.

For all who seek, find. All who knock, the door is opened.  And for those who ask!  You can't even imagine the humbling lessons he will teach you as he "over-gives." Health, wealth and all treasures pale in comparison to watching God, move and orchestrate. Yes, even when he uses earthly treasures as tools to accomplish the extraordinary.

I do not fabricate, or conjure-up a false hope of how I decided to "feel."  No, it is different. I've been there, and done the "fake-and-make" it before.

No.

I can only compare this LIFE to what happens when one goes sky-diving, or cliff jumping.  Once you make the leap there's nothing you can do to take back your choice to jump.  You will either live or you will die. On the way down, you have only one choice to make:  Will I enjoy this ride or not!

In the Upside Down Backward Kingdom...  Remember those Spirit Fruits in the end of Galatians?  They become more than a measurement of how well you are tending your Spirit-filled Garden.  They are life giving, edible, sweet and fulfilling foods that replace the forbidden stuff we ate in the beginning.

Isn't your stomach growling for the Bread of Life, thirsting for Water that Lives? Are you not hungering and thirsting after righteousness?  Then come.  Call him more than just Savior, take the leap and enjoy the ride; call him Lord.  Put your hand on the plow, let the blood of sacrifice, and not broken glass accidents, fertilize the field. And watch as the Natural world of the Spirit takes its control.  Watch as your fruits grow, and then eat, indulge, imbibe... deeply.


Do not let me minimize your pain if you're there in the fire now. For I too,  still feel the sorrow, and tears, and heartache, and they are not easy.  On the other end of the spectrum, I enjoy all the smiling and laughing at inside or ridiculous jokes,  and even more those moments with another person, where you can't stop the belly laughing, and your sides hurt... And as fun as those are, they are the snacks that we eat in the car, from the gas station on the way to Disney World.

Are you ready to enter that life?

No?

I understand... the thought of a Wonka-Land is a bit creepy, at least in the movies.  The bad news: Inside this very real world there is no chocolate river.  The good news: this world that you are hesitant to enter into, is not a movie, book or fairytale.  It is not Dianetics or self-help dribble. And it/He is ready for you, when you're ready to enter.


No, no! That's funny though. This is not an "altar call."  I'm talking to you Christians. Take a deep breath because there is a whole world out there.  And someone is knocking on your door now.  Do you open it? Do you dare make such a leap of faith?

Your new Eden awaits a hand on the plow, to cultivate, that which will leave you content, full, and awestruck!

Welcome, to the Upside Down Kingdom: where the floors are dirt and slick with the blood of heartache. But where this heart still overflows with love, and the light of Joy... it will not be quenched!

Welcome! Won't you come inside?